An Australian was travelling around the New Zealand country side, taking in the sights, when he noticed a New Zealander out in a paddock having sex with a sheep. Jokingly, he yells out to the New Zealander: "Hey mate! In Australia, we shear those!"

The New Zealander yells back "Get Stuffed! I'm not shearing this with anyone!"

lol

There's a woman in a church, and a woman in a soapy bath. One has a soul full of hope, and the other has a ............

Your mother is fat!
ahahahaahahahahaahaahhaAHHAHAHAHAHAHAahahahahahaahA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAahahahahahahahhahahahahaha
ahahahahhhah
haahahaaaa

A mother and her young son a standing in a room naked.
The son turns to the mother and says "Mum what's that?"
With hesitation the mother says "That's where your father hit me with an axe a couple of years ago!!"
The son says "Fuckin' good shot, got you straight in the c u n t !!"

A guy goes to see a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, I have a problem. I work in a factory and for the past fortnight I've had this incredible urge to stick my dick in the pickle slicer. What do I do?"

The psychiatrist says, "Well, I once saw a patient who had the urge to put his hand on a hot iron. I told him that he should go ahead and do it, and you know what happened? He burnt his hand. And he never thought about doing it again. So my advice to you is to go ahead and do it."

The next appointment the guy comes back in and he says, "Well I did it doc, I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer." And the psychiatrist asked, "Then, what happened?" The guy said, "We both got fired."

LOL :D - i love em....

i'm hopeless with jokes, im convinced though that guys have a section of their brain cordoned off especially for jokes and i've noticed the more pissed they are the better they are at telling them....

A workers strike at the Cadbury Chocolate factory has caused a shortage in the chocolate supply. Union representatives were quoted saying "We want the pay and conditions we’re due, oompa loompa doompidy doo."

Yes I stole that off TV.

Whats more fun than throwing a baby out of an aeroplane........?





Catching it with a pitchfork.

What's blue and yellow and sits on the bottom of a pool?

A baby with slashed floaties.

From an old email, but oh so true.

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "Fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING - This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and ends with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing", and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) - This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH - This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH - Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead". At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "you're welcome".

THANKS A LOT - This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".

What's even more disgusting than a truck full of dead babies........?


The live one at the bottom of the pile,trying to eat its way up to the top.

A burglar breaks into a house one night. He quietly creeps into the house when suddenly he hears a voice from behind.
''God is watching you'' said the voice.
He spun about and shon his torch into the darkness. There was nobody there, then he saw a parrot in its cage. ''What the..'' he exclaimed.
''I'm Mozes'' said the parrot ''and God is watching you''.
''Who the hell names his parrot Mozes?'' asked the burglar.
The parrot replied.''The same guy who named his rottweiler God''

^ Boom tish!

What goes "oooooooooooooo"?

































A cow with no lips.

I like the baby ones. Keep em coming.

I got a sweater for Christmas. what I really wanted was a screamer or a moaner.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I have stayed alive.

whats worse then a dead baby in a bucket...
a dead baby in ten buckets. =D

ya mummas so fat, when she goes for a swim, the whales start singing "we are family..."

there was a woman in an office building, and everyday one of her workmates would sniff her hair and say it smelled great.
after about a week of this, she went to her manager, and filed it for sexual harrassment. the manager asked her why someone sniffing her hair was so bad. she said "its Frank....the Dwarf"

doctor doctor! what is your problem patient? people keep ignoring me!
NEXT!!

3 rather deaf old ladies in a park.
1st lady says- windy isnt?
2nd lady says-isnt thursday?
3rd lady says- so am i, lets get a cuppa!

http://homepage.mac.com/krousen/Bush%20site/index.html

Cul - ur deaf old lady joke.

I dont get it.. i am sure theres something else to it i dont get other than 3 non-related statements

explain?

Blend: 2nd lady heard windy as wednesday, 3rd lady heard thursday as thirsty.

lol @ the Bush faces........but no matter how stupid I made him look,he somehow always manages to make himself look even worse.What a stupid fuckin asshole.

lol @ the Bush faces........but no matter how stupid I made him look,he somehow always manages to make himself look even worse.What a stupid fuckin asshole.

I managed to get a striking resemblence to Steve Martin.

That Bush thing is cool - I acheived a George Carlin look myself.

This person took it a bit further - this is an Avatar from a parenting forum my wife is always on...

http://www.sybermoms.com/forums/avatar.php?userid=20&dateline=1091533946

Lol

[QUOTE=yob]What's blue and yellow and sits on the bottom of a pool?

A baby with slashed floaties.[/QUO

This one stands out for me. It's the kind of joke that seems bad natured at first but then the comedy seriously overrides the downside. What a cack.

Have a look at this one for wacky humour.
I had a good laugh anyway.

http://perso.club-internet.fr/pascal.boutrouille/animation/milkin.html

Have a look at this one for wacky humour.
I had a good laugh anyway.

http://perso.club-internet.fr/pascal.boutrouille/animation/milkin.html
Gold gold gold mother #$%^ing gold!