there is a chance i will be coming down there in september....

Anyone who would care to meet up and show me round? (ie.. Eureka, Rialto, the shopping area so on)

Thanks

get a map ;)

Here's 10 tips to get you through your Melbourne trip safely:

1) When in Melbourne, remember, the world does not exist outside of Melbourne and the Victorian borders, so don't bother telling anyone where you're from, they wouldnt have heard of it.

2) When you are here, don't knock Melbourne. The last inter-stater/foreigner to come here and knock the place was carted back in a box.

3) Just like as in Rome, when in Melbourne, do as the Melbournians do (I'm still trying to figure this one out).

4) Get in the left lane to turn right.

5) When pedestrian shopping in the mall, look out for trams. If they connect with you, you WILL be carted back in a box.

6) When looking at Melbourne sites and places to see, don't loiter around for too long. Chances are, a gangland member may see you and may think you too are a gangland member from the other side and he may want to target you.

7) If you go shopping at Chadstone, good luck finding a park anywhere in the vicinity of walking distance to the nearest entrance.

8) If you are driving, and you get caught speeding, and you get busted by the cops, don't bother trying to talk yourself out of a fine. In Melbourne, the cops take no crap. Remember, ten years ago, the cops here would shoot first and then ask questions later.

9) If you see a person with a red and black scarf on, or wearing anything in the colours of red and black, chances are he/she/it is an Essendon supporter. This brand of supporter is to be avoided at all costs. If it mumbles something to you which does not resemble English or any other known language for that matter, which most likely it will, just smile, nod and agree and continue walking. It works for me.

10) If the morning weather starts out beautifully, and it looks like its going to be a nice Spring day with lots of warmth and sunshine and not a cloud in the sky, then rug up as if you were preparing to go for a walk through the Snowy Mountains.

Enjoy your stay.

LOL Amaruu

:rofl:

I think that's the funniest post you've made in like.. ever!

Here's my annotations:

7a) If you do find your way inside Chadstone - pack a week's supply of dry muesli bars & Water as people have been known to dissapear inside for months on end.

9a) Ditto Black & White wearing 'civilians' known as 'Pies Supporters'

11) Whilst travelling through area south of CBD, stop for 1 minutes silence & reverence at the Shrine. You can find the Shrine located on Cnr Southbank Blvd & Riverside Quay. (It is currently 69 stories tall) :D

11a) If this Shrine is unavailable for prayer - another religiously sanctioned place of worship is located on Brunton Ave in Eastern Melbourne (recognisable by 6 tall-white sentinels of light)

12) Melburnians do not know the words 'Schooner', 'Midi' or 'XXXX' etc. It is not recognised in our vocabulary. The words 'Pot', 'Heavy' or 'Vic' are likely to garner more recognition. Can be even used in combination eg. 'Pot of Heavy thanks mate..'

13) Don't ask for 'Coffee thanks..'. Asking for this substance is likely to induce blank comatose-like stares from cafe staff. 'Macchiato', 'Affogato' & 'Skinny Flat' are likely to work better.

14) When driving on our 'freeways' - do not stop looking for tollbooths and fumble for change. Just keep driving calmly and the blue-lit radar-armed electronic overhead toll points will recognise interstate plates and promptly issue subsequent $268.00 fines for Toll Evading and Speeding (even if you are doing 80.0000015 km/h in an 80km/h zone) - and render you impotent at the same time.

15) NO - that building is *NOT* half finished. Exposed concrete, electrical wires & rusty steel are a architectural style in Victoria.

..
..

Seriously tho - when are you here? Maybe we can organise our next meet around the same time?

there is a chance i will be coming down there in september....

Anyone who would care to meet up and show me round? (ie.. Eureka, Rialto, the shopping area so on)

Thanks

Yeah sure im up for that. We'll probably get tays along too.
Stevemelb too if we can find him. silvermb is always around too.

piss funny

lol @ all your tips! haha.

A-Brain - sometime between the 17th of September and the 2nd of October.

thanks everyone :)

Melbourners - Love Me!

no.

Why not make it the next met up , invite everyone and make it a bit of a tour ! I'm sure there is a few members that live semi rural and rarely get into the city unless they have a good reason to . :lurker:

Here's 10 tips to get you through your Melbourne trip safely:

1) When in Melbourne, remember, the world does not exist outside of Melbourne and the Victorian borders, so don't bother telling anyone where you're from, they wouldnt have heard of it.

When I was last in Melbourne, these blokes at a construction site I was walking past all started bashing tools on the scaffolds and singing the Adelaide Crows club song at us. :D

2) When you are here, don't knock Melbourne. The last inter-stater/foreigner to come here and knock the place was carted back in a box.

Most of the crows supporters survived after wreaking havoc around Melbourne. The Adelaide United SC supporters had firecrackers thrown at them however.

3) Just like as in Rome, when in Melbourne, do as the Melbournians do (I'm still trying to figure this one out).

We have things called toilets in Adelaide (not sure about other cities).

4) Get in the left lane to turn right.

Don't tell him that, i'd love to see a Queenslander get cleaned up by a tram :D

5) When pedestrian shopping in the mall, look out for trams. If they connect with you, you WILL be carted back in a box.

See above.

6) When looking at Melbourne sites and places to see, don't loiter around for too long. Chances are, a gangland member may see you and may think you too are a gangland member from the other side and he may want to target you.

Don't do it in the Victoria Market either. This old granny literally came at me like a homing missile and "accidentally" bumped me. Gotta stop wearing that crows gear when i'm in ye old melbourne town :D

7) If you go shopping at Chadstone, good luck finding a park anywhere in the vicinity of walking distance to the nearest entrance.

...i've got nothin

8) If you are driving, and you get caught speeding, and you get busted by the cops, don't bother trying to talk yourself out of a fine. In Melbourne, the cops take no crap. Remember, ten years ago, the cops here would shoot first and then ask questions later.

They take bribes these days, paid for by.... *wink wink* shhh.

Oh if you're driving in Melbourne, check if your RAA (or whatever it's called in Queensland) offers protection from e-tag fines.

9) If you see a person with a red and black scarf on, or wearing anything in the colours of red and black, chances are he/she/it is an Essendon supporter. This brand of supporter is to be avoided at all costs. If it mumbles something to you which does not resemble English or any other known language for that matter, which most likely it will, just smile, nod and agree and continue walking. It works for me.

They are west adelaide supporters on holiday.

10) If the morning weather starts out beautifully, and it looks like its going to be a nice Spring day with lots of warmth and sunshine and not a cloud in the sky, then rug up as if you were preparing to go for a walk through the Snowy Mountains.

Enjoy your stay.

If it's a wet morning, don't step out onto the balcony in bare feet!!!!!



Oh and this one is for South Aussies - don't try and order a Cowboy Cocksucker at a bar in Melbourne, they don't know what it is, and they get REALLY pissed.

dont go with a plan just do what you want when you get there, make sure you have a heap of time because there is a heap to see if you haven't been to melbourne in ages, look out for the freaks on the trains and streets, they are ulta scary, on the trains you have to open the door yourself lol lol, when crossing the road on a green man, cars are allowed to cross, they might have to give way but thats debatable, taxis love to use their horns, a red light means go if your a lazy wanker, and there are alot of them, it takes bloody ages to get anywhere because of very slow traffic lights, you might get a sore head from traffic noise, and alot of things are very oldskool, don't just stay in the CBD get 'off the beaten track' and have alot around the inner burbs, stay away from lygon unless you want to be harassed by every door man etc etc... gotta love smelbourne

…Oh and don’t forget, if you go to the beach (especially in summer) under no circumstances wear anything that resemble shorts …Diesel jeans and a t-shirt would be acceptable.

@ Yob

Cowboy Cocksucker = Butterscotch Snaps + Baileys

:p

It's funny because up here they're known as "Cocksucking Cowboys". The only difference is the words are the other way around, but we've never known them as "Cowboy cocksucker" up here.

^^ Actually, I and everybody else I know in Melbourne knows them as 'Cocksucking Cowboys' too. But when yob said 'Cowboy Cocksucker', I figured he meant 'Cocksucking Cowboy'.

Oh, I thought the same thing or either South Australians are Dyslexic !!

Is NSW the only state that uses the word schooner?

Its slowly infiltrating Queensland's pubs courtesy of Mexicans up here.

yes, my friend who wants to bartend made some up at a party. I found the name funny, and the drink intoxicating. didnt care for the taste, but it did the job after a few.

Lol........

^^ Bored tonight city_thingy, or you really wanna meet Blend so you dug up his thread? ;)

lol. A bit of neck romancing!

^^ Bored tonight city_thingy, or you really wanna meet Blend so you dug up his thread? ;)

He has finally proven himself to be the true Necromancer (http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/warriorshtm/necromancer.htm) of this forum. I wish somone would update him as one on the relevant thread ( yeah, before you ask, I am too lazy to do that. k?)

lassie99

lassie99

Yeah, sorry its only funny when Deranged does it.

^ Do what, play on usernames? Lots of people do that...

they've given blend a gun now.

^ Do what, play on usernames? Lots of people do that...

Well it was a perfectly fine thinly-veiled-malicious-remark aimed at belittling the previous poster using you as ammo as I could not come up with a better comeback. And you had to come out of woodworks and ruin it. Thanks.

^ Yes I got that Bossy99. But I was being singled out and victimised so I thought it was stereotyping discrimination defamation.

^ Yes I got that Bossy99. But I was being singled out and victimised so I thought it was stereotyping discrimination defamation.

So why don't you go and start a thread in international forums bemoaning this horrendous trespass on my part ( and also how so many others who would rather not be named are also hurt by this). Someone might finally take notice and delete my posts, that should make you happy.



PS-If me calling you ammunition hurt so much, I do truly believe that a little part of you is totally ammo.

^ No, I shall never be happy. I will always find something to bemoan. And should the source of my discontent run dry, I shall find a radio program which fuels my outrage and sense of entitlement.

lassiefuckers

Here's 10 tips to get you through your Melbourne trip safely:

1) When in Melbourne, remember, the world does not exist outside of Melbourne and the Victorian borders, so don't bother telling anyone where you're from, they wouldnt have heard of it.

2) When you are here, don't knock Melbourne. The last inter-stater/foreigner to come here and knock the place was carted back in a box.

3) Just like as in Rome, when in Melbourne, do as the Melbournians do (I'm still trying to figure this one out).

Enjoy your stay.

jeez why didnt someone tell me this :nuts: