Hey fellax, well let's have a joke thread. Post watever joke you want here. Enjoy :).

Here is a light one to start you off:


A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

:hahaha:

hehe...:D

Joke of the day:

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under you vehicle... From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

lol :lol:

Joke of the day:

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under you vehicle... From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.


:hahaha::hahaha::hahaha: is it a true story?

It's a joke, but a really good one :D. Stay tuned for more later today. We'd like your contributions also.

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi . . You know, I just HATE drawing welfare I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur / bodyguard for his 18-year-old nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have an adjoining room. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

^^ :lol:
I haven't heard good jokes for a while..

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." What do they say?" the priest inquired. " They only know how to say, 'Hi,we're prostitutes. 'Want to have some fun?"

That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, " but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded. The next day, the woman brings her two female talking parrots to the priest's house. His two male talking parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the two male parrots and the female parrots say, " Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away; our prayers have been answered."

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Hehehe :D.


It's always good to check into the meaning of your slogans and brands before you start selling in foreign countries, as these companies learned a bit too late...

1. The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted
them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the
Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"

2. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as
"Suffer from diarrhea".

3. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an
American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux".

4. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to
find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the
"manure stick".

5. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same
packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned
that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside,
since many people can't read.

6. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a
notorious porno magazine.

7. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market
which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the
shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

10. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender
chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a
chicken affectionate".

11. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed
to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you". Instead, the
company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so
the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant".

NEW EDITION MICROSOFT WORD!

.................................






























http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b24/M3Dust/microsoft_werd.jpg

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

you guys are funny//put some more jokes :)

This is soo true..


How a Man Makes a Woman Happy?
It's Really Simple.

To Make a Woman Happy; A Man Only Needs to be:

1. A Friend

2. A Companion

3. A Lover

4. A Brother

5. A Father

6. A Master

7. A Chef

8. An Electrician

9. A Carpenter

10. A Plumber

11. A Mechanic

12. A Decorator

13. A Stylist

14. A Sexologist

15. A Gynecologist

16. A Psychologist

17. A Pest Exterminator

18. A Psychiatrist

19. A Healer

20. A Good Listener

21. An Organizer

22. A Good Father

23. Very Clean

24. Sympathetic

25. Athletic

26. Warm

27. Attentive

28. Gallant

29. Intelligent

30. Funny

31. Creative

32. Tender

33. Strong

34. Understanding

35. Tolerant

36. Prudent

37. Ambitious

38. Capable

39. Courageous

40. Determined

41. True

42. Dependable

43. Passionate



WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:



44. Give Her Compliments Regularly

45. Love Shopping

46. Be Honest

47. Be Very Rich

48. Not Stress Her Out

49. Not Look at Other Girls



AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:



50. Give Her Lots of Attention, but Expect Little Yourself

51. Give Her Lots of Time, Especially Time for Herself

52. Give Her Lots of Space, Never Worrying About Where She Goes IT IS VERY

IMPORTANT:

53. Never to Forget: * Birthdays * Anniversaries





HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY



1. Leave Him In Peace .

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives,
girlfriends, fiancs, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in
general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in
June/July this year...

LIST OF RULES

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the
newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World
Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. ?If you
fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be
totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any
exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose
it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind,
as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If
you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on
right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to
the doctor or look after you during ?the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you
expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up
the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the
fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please
do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the
games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am,
unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is
losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll
win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and
I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about
football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead
to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me
during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the
halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying one"
game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time
together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen
them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. ?Many times!!

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:

a) I will not go,

b) I will not go, and

c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a
game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you
have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we
can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World
Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this
comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League,
etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Men of the World

Lol, let's make this one alive. Here is an old one but it's still funny.


A Really Bad Day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

i'll say nokta ^_^ but in arabic... grrrrr my young sister told it to me from 2 yrs maybe ..

madre he nektah wallah lu3'z lol

moza 5aysa ( bad banana) tetmasha 3la al b7r.. (shu 8a9dah bil moza)???


elly bejaweb ya3ny clever ^_________&

ok, shu what?

Black woman was wearing yellow beikkini ^_* .. lol

Black woman was wearing yellow beikkini ^_* .. lol

http://forumspile.com/STFU-Shut_up.jpg

http://forumspile.com/STFU-Shut_up.jpg



http://img397.imageshack.us/img397/5493/picture12dv.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

http://img397.imageshack.us/img397/5493/picture12dv.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

hahahaha censored Emarati style :D

3endi nektah ..

namlah laz8a fi me3'na6ees ,,,leesh??

































3shanha labsa ta8weem :rofl:






enzeen 3endi nektah thanyah ..

wa7ed 9'3eef 5atho waznah , ew shafoo enna waznah waaayed , fas ta3'reboo leesh???










le8aw soorat e7seen el jasmee fi me5bah ( his poket) :rofl:


5alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas :hammer:

3endi nektah ..

namlah laz8a fi me3'na6ees ,,,leesh??

































3shanha labsa ta8weem :rofl:






enzeen 3endi nektah thanyah ..

wa7ed 9'3eef 5atho waznah , ew shafoo enna waznah waaayed , fas ta3'reboo leesh???










le8aw soorat e7seen el jasmee fi me5bah ( his poket) :rofl:


5alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas :hammer:

what you need is this
http://forumspile.com/Funnay/I_wish_these_were_brains.jpg

now here's a nerdier joke which only the computer-literates will understand

http://forumspile.com/Funnay/Cut_GeForce_7800.jpg

^^ nice nektah yal 3abee6 ^_^ wa law enny ma fehamt ay shay kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

^^ you want me to explain the girl part or the pc one?

^^ yes of course ^_^

since you didn’t specify, the girl wishes the size of her brain matches up to the size of her saggy breasts. the pc one involves a person thinking that the shiny stripes at the bottom of the graphics cards are for cutting till the part fits into the slot, when they managed to fit the card in it obviously didn’t work any more.

^^ i understood the first one , but the second not exactly , sorry my english is toooooooooooooooooooooo weak..

Pish u need some slaps :bash:

this one chip no work when you cut little gold part. this one pagill nafar want to fix part, cut wrong place.

3eny nektah ...

3yooz da5lah el 7ammam .. chan tshoof yenny (jenny) ( devil) :devil: .. w 8alat ( besmellah ) ...

chan ye8ool leha el jenny : min zeenj al 7een :hilarious

w bas ..

ashoofkom marrah thanya , w ma3ay nekat thanya ..a7la w a7la ^__^

3eny nektah ...

3yooz da5lah el 7ammam .. chan tshoof yenny (jenny) ( devil) :devil: .. w 8alat ( besmellah ) ...

chan ye8ool leha el jenny : min zeenj al 7een :hilarious

w bas ..

ashoofkom marrah thanya , w ma3ay nekat thanya ..a7la w a7la ^__^

hey Emirati_Girl do us this favor

http://forumspile.com/Funnay/50s-Fantasize.jpg
beats telling us those stupid jokes of urs :rofl:

-_- u will never change .. *_* u always disappoint me

^_^ but what do u think about it ,, is it a good nektah krkrkrkrkr ... don't feel shy .. tell me kkkkkkkkkkkk

uuhh yeah whatever

This DOG is a good DOG way DOG to keep an fool DOG busy DOG. Read this again without DOG


Muhahahaha , if u read this then u r fool ^_^

:rofl:
that didnt keep me busy it took me a few seconds to read ;)

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. 'I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and
she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

D.I. (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt
Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

The Sermon ? I think this Mom will never forget this particular Sunday sermon...
'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust.' He would have continued but at that
moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?

The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed.
:lol:

Q: What are the similarities between the sun & the underwear?

colours ?

btw why arent you active in the Qatar Forum ???? ecpecially in the wakrah master plan thread !!!!

i lost interest in participating in SSC after being banned for no reason, but i do post comments from time to time.

oh yeah, the answer to the riddle is: they both go down at night!!!

whats d difference between gun and wife???
ans- guns have silencers,while wife dont!!!!:lol::banana:

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'




:lol::lol::lol: aww this is so funny!!!!

wow hahahahah !
its really biggest joke !