OK, i'm in my third year of a degree, finish in about a week and on the whole, the work is going smoothly.

However, one module has been the fly in the ointment right through uni, and thats the ICT one. Not so much using computers, its the programs I, and many others are having trouble with.

Admittedly, this year my attendance at said module has been dreadful (about 4/5 times since Feb, when the module started.

Now I, along with flinch and andrewc have a project to do but aint got a clue. The lecturer is not helping us and seems hell bent on assessing us indivdually as well as a group, which he says is to prove to the exam board that we haven't copied someone else and do what we're on about.

No other lecturer in the history of time that i've come across has been this obstructive, cold and cuntish. This is where you lot come in. Please suggest some comedic and perhaps demonic death/torture methods that I could use against this guy.

Like a public guillotining for example.

Do your worst, as I need something to cheer me up amongst all this mess

:hahano:

you could attach each one of his pubes to a centrifuge and set it off, whenever he yelps due to the pain you stuff a raw sardine down his throat. whenever he pukes you can collect it and force him to then spend the next 7 hours with his head under this puke (he is allowed to come up for air but is only allowed the time it takes to breath in once).

I'm wanting to stick his penis in a vice and attempt to give him a personality transplant.

Mind you, I thought I did well by keeping my cool when he started to get horny about census data, Dean. I thought my laugh was well under control. To show this in practice to everyone else, this was what came out of the man's mouth...

Gardiner: Well, the 1971 census data back in Cleveland was very good and statistically great to look at...blahblahblah...(excited drivel and the noise of being moist over numbers)

(at this point - I'd finally thought I'd lost the will to live by laughing far too loud and I kept far too quiet just incase I blurted out how much of a sad wanker he was)

You could cry like a little bitch and sob while asking him to forgive you for failing at comprehending.

Just degrade yourself so far that he actually feels embarassed for making a grown man cry and lets you pass the course.

You could cry like a little bitch and sob while asking him to forgive you for failing at comprehending.

Just degrade yourself so far that he actually feels embarassed for making a grown man cry and lets you pass the course.

Problem is though, I think a lot of people have already done that.

How about putting a horse's head in his bed?

or a horses head inside of him...

keep the horse alive but get it to shit in his bed, either that or have his family kidnapped.

Make him a cup of magic mushroom tea.

You strip him naked and cover his balls in honey. You then tie him down next to a wasps nest and kick that crap out of it (really piss those wasps off), you then make a quick escape leaving his balls to the wasps.


Or you could just do what the Zim Police do and beat the crap out of him with rubber hoses (it doesn't leave marks but hurts like hell).

You strip him naked and cover his balls in honey.

Sounds kind of gay.

Or you could just do what the Zim Police do and beat the crap out of him with rubber hoses (it doesn't leave marks but hurts like hell).

I thought they only did that to blacks, mental retards, disabled & old people

Sounds kind of gay.

nah that's custard.

I thought they only did that to blacks, mental retards, disabled & old people

Nah DD you are getting the Zim police confused with the South African police. Our police our very multiracial, they are prepared to attack people of all skin colours if they vote against Bob.

you lot do town planning then?

is it enjoyable? apart from this episode of course.

you lot do town planning then?

is it enjoyable? apart from this episode of course.

Peyre,from that post i assume you may be thinking of applying for a town planning course??? (would i be right :) )

If your considering doing Urban Planning at the Bartlett, UCL. I would probably advise against it.........the course matter seems irrelevant and the department doesnt have a clue whats going on. Yet for some reason it has a great reputation.

So Dinp what course are you doing and where????

Peyre,from that post i assume you may be thinking of applying for a town planning course??? (would i be right :) )

If your considering doing Urban Planning at the Bartlett, UCL. I would probably advise against it.........the course matter seems irrelevant and the department doesnt have a clue whats going on. Yet for some reason it has a great reputation.

So Dinp what course are you doing and where????

Urban planning is an interest, but its one of several. I wanna stay in or around London so my options are limited in that sense.

So Dinp what course are you doing and where????

I'll answer for him. AndrewC, Dinp and I all do the same course. We do Planning Studies at Sheffield Hallam.

And this particular fuckwad/nobsack/twat features/person is causing more problems than anyone I've ever met in my life.

You could also commit suicide.

For extra headlines you can blow yourself up in the name of Allah.

the course matter seems irrelevant and the department doesnt have a clue whats going on.

This can apply for our planning course as well...it's a fucking joke!

^^ perhaps its just a generally thing amongst planning courses????

I somwhat regret doing the course now........its REALLY not what i thought it was going to be

We have also had 'issues' with the way the ICT courses have been taught (and also how the coursworks have been marked. So far we have been poorly taught Dreamweaver MX (which i found unnessicary anyway), SPSS and ARC GIS9.........and i am none the wiser on how any of those programmes work, the whole class just managed to scrap through by helping each other (i.e. Whenever one person found out how to do somthing we told each other.......the teachers were useless).

Oh we have not done CAD yet and we had 1 short intro lesson to Photoshop (i.e. How to cut and paste :hammer: ). Its both comical and embarrassing when we give presentations and our stuff is all hand drawn (very poorly) and cellotaped onto backing card, whereas the foreign exhange students give their presentations using CAD and computer generated renders.........

Where the hell is that at? That sounds so much better together than Sheffield! I don't even think we've touched a computer for anything as exciting as photoshop or dreamweaver!

SPSS is where we have no idea. The last final year and now I'm seriously wanting to go and throw myself in to a wind turbine.

Arrange to have him on a blind date threesome hill climbing adventure in Botswana with d***d** and a gorilla. See if he can discover a new twist in the Darwin theory of evolution that has so far escaped the rest of us on planet earth.

you lot do town planning then?

is it enjoyable? apart from this episode of course.


Run Peyre, run.

Where the hell is that at? That sounds so much better together than Sheffield! I don't even think we've touched a computer for anything as exciting as photoshop or dreamweaver!

SPSS is where we have no idea. The last final year and now I'm seriously wanting to go and throw myself in to a wind turbine.


I go to the Bartlett at University College London..........it has good reputation, but don't believe the hype.

Your doing SPSS???.....its a bitch of a programme......and i still cant fully understand why its better than Excel at making graphs???? it certainly makes the whole process alot harder

yes please mr nothingbetterdo.

lol. We could do with a miracle. Thing is though, he's confused us a lot with saying a lot of things that don't make sense. So he's just a joke. And he gets turned on by census data and strategic plans.

And to think I may end up like him! It's put off any liking with any kind of job!

do you know what guys.....i'm really sorry, and i edited that post in the hope you wouldnt see it and get your hopes up.............

but i got confused.....the SPSS lecturer didnt have a website.......the ArcGIS9 lecturer had the website..............i just got confused cos the boring ICT lessons kinda merged into one

So.......if you ever need help using ArcGis9 then i'm your man..............for SPSS i cant offer any help

lol. Does the phrase "up shit creek without a paddle" ring any bells with anyone right now?

And he gets turned on by census data and strategic plans.



Geeezz.....that sounds familiar.........The ArcGis lecturer had the same obsession with census data........in fact i think he had a love affair with the programme.

He kept on saying how there were easier programmes to use, but ArcGis is just misunderstood and can be wonderful in the right hands.

I honestly cant remember much about the SPSS guy.....i think he was dull.......abit of a non entity, i cant even remember what he looked like (and it was only a few months ago)

*sigh* I just think this lecturer we have needs to get laid.

Any funny pictures of who he should lay can be displayed. Come on, you know you want to. I'm usually the one who does it most of the time.

You got it in one Dave - do it yourself you lazy pleb!

Stop asking everybody else to do the dirty work for you..... :|

Do you guys want the horse's head express shipped or not?

*sigh* I just think this lecturer we have needs to get laid.

Any funny pictures of who he should lay can be displayed. Come on, you know you want to. I'm usually the one who does it most of the time.

the bloke on the right is up for it:
































http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/3729/10006870li.jpg[/QUOTE]

I am truly shocked that Eddy K is actually so fat (the one on the left) :eek:

:runaway:

The camera usually adds 10 pounds.

We're fucked basically :(

We're fucked basically :(

Dinpy is your job offer at Corby council conditional on you obtaining a certain grade?

Dinpy is your job offer at Corby council conditional on you obtaining a certain grade?

A pass. And fingers crossed this one component of one module wont screw me up. If it does, I will hunt the guy down and eat his children!

Eddyk is his son.

Lol, don't ask me how I came upon this thread but I'm glad I have, for it requires an epilogue if thats the right word;

You see, the lecturer in question died around this time last year.

How did it happen? Did you guys go with the honey on the balls idea?

lol, We got an email around the start of the new term from our head tutor. She just said that he suffered from a short illness, we never heard anything else. I felt it was a shame we might have been a pain in the arse for him in his last year but you can't really let these things get to you I suppose.

Even though he's dead, it doesn't change the fact that he was a sad wanker who got off on census data.

how old was he??

17 apparently. very young i know.

lol, not sure mid50s, maybe 60s.