Ligthen up the day with a daily joke or funny picture! I think we all can do with a dose of laughter. :crazy2: :laugh:

Exellent Idea Harkerb, who doesnt like jokes?

This is an indian joke floating around, but its funny non the less

Moses went to the Zulus and said, "I have Commandments for you that will
make your lives better." And the Zulus asked, "What are Commandments?"
And Moses said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shalt not kill." "Not kill?
We're not interested."

So He went to the Xhosas and said, "I have Commandments." And the Xhosas
wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not lie."
"Not lie?
We're not interested."

So He went to the Coloureds and said, "I have Commandments."And the
Coloureds wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."
"Not steal?
We're not interested."

He went to the Whites and said, "I have Commandments.
"The Whites wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not commit
adultery and thou shalt love thy neighbour as you love thyself"
"Not commit adultery, love my neighbour?
We're not interested"

He went to the Indians and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They ask, "How much are they?"
"They're free."

"We'll take 10."

hahahahaha

The reason why I'm in Taiwan:


http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g255/johnrosstaiwan/suspicious-supermarket.jpg



http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g255/johnrosstaiwan/homo-stationery.jpg


http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g255/johnrosstaiwan/closet-boy.jpg


http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g255/johnrosstaiwan/gay-dad.jpg


http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g255/johnrosstaiwan/blendy1.jpg

good luck with taipei's possible 2020 olympic bid.

So the hairless gay guy once asked this barber how to grow some chesthair, as to please his lover. The barber told him to everyday, smear vaseline all over his chest. It will help his hair growth.
One night as the gay guy was making out with his lover, his lover felt the greasiness on his chest, and asked what that was. He then told his lover about the barber's advice.
Said the lover:"Man, if that was true, than you would have grown a ponytail out of your ass long time ago!"

ah man, good god, oh no, I got this horrible picture in my head, oh pleez someone help , me wipe that image out of my head...........................just kidding, it was funny :lol:

here's another1 for today, since Superman fever is setting with the movie being realised next month, heres a Superman joke for today!

One night while flying over Metropalis Superman, saw with his xray vision that Wonderwoman was lying butt neked on her bed with her legs spread open & looking pretty aroused, so he decided "Hey I'm Superman & can go in their, screw the daylights out her & leave in a flash". So he did his job & flew away in a matter of milliseconds, then Wonderwoman said "Oh my god what was that?"then the Invisible man said"I dont know, but my arse hurts like hell!"

Murders (the police claim) are down to 103 a day and the police try to investigate many of them.

Muggings carry only a spot fine. But with the World Cup due in 2010, the USAR (Union of South African Robbers) has agreed - following a plea from the minister of safety and security - to check people's ID before robbing them. This is in case they are foreign visitors who, says the minister, "might not fully understand or appreciate South African culture".

But there are a few old-fashioned cops who still fight crime. Chief Inspector Zwane and his crew are among them.

Patrol Module: (driver turns key) We have ignition!

Control: Check! Ten seconds to H-hour and counting … Five, four, three, two, one … Module: (pulling away from kerb) Speed 20. Heading for central Sandton.

Control: You're looking good.

Module: Down Rivonia Road. No sign of life.

Control: Check!

Module: Streets empty. All systems looking good. Shop windows covered in dust. Litter knee-deep. No sign of life.

Control: Don't take any undue risks.

Module: Copy.

Control: You're still looking good.

Module: Cruising.

Control: Copy.

Module: Now stationary... engine still running. Door now in unlock mode.

Control: Copy.

Module: Constable Molefi now has one foot on kerb... Now two feet on kerb! Still looking good...

Control: Copy.

Module: Molefi letting go of door handle... now he's one metre from Patrol Module. (Suddenly) Red light! Red light! Red light showing on dashboard! Oops! Sorry - handbrake was on. We're all a bit jumpy here.

Control: Copy.

Module: Checking all systems...

Control: Standing by.

Module: (Molefi's voice cuts in: "That's one small step for a policeman...")

Control: (sounds of applause in background) Congratulations all round, Chief Inspector...

Module: Molefi now dusting off wall of Sandton City ready to affix plaque proclaiming that on this day, August 1, AD 2009, the SAPS reoccupied central Sandton...

Control: We are all saluting you here, Chief Inspector... the minister sends congratulations!

Module: The minister? Has he recovered? (Dear reader, the minister had collapsed a few days before - suffering oxygen deprivation. He had been half suffocated by his 24 bodyguards, who were too tightly packed around him. Since 2007 many ministers had been whinging about not being able to see where they are going because of being surrounded by too many tall bodyguards. Shorter ministers used periscopes.)

Control: He has recovered.

Module: Mission complete. Constable Molefi safely returned to patrol vehicle.

Control: Copy.

Module: Locks activated. Seatbelts on. Moving out...

Correction. Not moving! Somebody's stolen all our wheels and put us up on bricks.

What happen to this place?

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/pic26924.jpg

:clown: DB, You'd flip for sure!

What you don't want to hear in bed:

But your feet are so big.
Oh, it's so cute!
It still works, right?
I'm sure we'll manage
It explains your smart car.
I think we should be friends first
Is it in yet?

Voted joke of the year dont ask me how, its sick & funny

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the
midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.

"O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.

"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I'm not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman, "You have a
healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see Her that
he
baby is black."

"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and
nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film.

The lead man was
black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my Business
and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions But I Must
also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."

"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was
this Swedish guy."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business
either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."

"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the
movie, I really had no choice."

At this, the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and present her
to
the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the butt.

The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank god for that!"

"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

"Well," says the
girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that
she was going to bark."

Its the 2010 World Cup finals and the Senzangakhona Stadium in Durban is packed to capacity...

The match: South Africa vs Brazil.

Ronaldinho walks into the Brazilian changeroom only to find that the rest of the team is depressed and gloomy. So he asks: "Whats up guys, why is everyone in such a bad mood? We're versing South Africa and we're sure to win"

His teammates reply, "thats the thing Ronaldinho. We're feeling bad to beat South Africa in front of their home crowd."
So Ronaldinho tells all his teammates to go to the nearest shebeen and he'll verse South Africa all on his own.

The Brazilian team is quite taken by what Ronaldinho has suggested but after a while of debating, they finally agree and head off to the shebeen.

After a while of drinking and partying, the Brazilian team ask the owner of the shebeen to put the TV on to check the score of the match...The score reads: South Africa 0 Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10m)

The players are shocked and cannot believe that Ronaldinho has managed to score against South Africa all on his own. They then put the tv off and continue to drink and party.

Quite some time goes by when they remember about the match, they put the TV on and see that the score is: South Africa 1 Brazil 1. The match is over...

They all rush back to the stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. As soon as they enter the changeroom, Ronaldinho is sitting there with his head in his hands.

"Ronaldinho, why are you so depressed when u managed to draw a match all on your own, you should be celebrating!!"

To which Ronaldinho replies, "Whaddaya mean guys?! I let you down...I got sent off in the 12th minute!!"

DB, that's awesome...I laughed my ass off! Didnt you get the last bit?

DB, that's awesome...I laughed my ass off! Didnt you get the last bit?
I did get it, & it was blody funny, thats why I posted it, but my mind has this ability to print the most graphic picture in my head, thats why I said its "sick" & funny

After hot passionate sex with a girl at her place, the couple lay in bed. The guy wanting to light up a cigarette, asked the chick for a lighter.
"Look in the drawer next to you", she said.
As he was searching for the lighter, he saw a photo of a guy in the drawer.
"You're married?", he asked.
"No", she said.
"...have a boyfriend?", he asked.
"Nope", she replied.
growing more inquisitive, he asked: "Then who's that guy in the pic?"
calmly, the chick responded: "Ah..that's me before the operation".

:rofl: I heard that before, but its still funny

1 liners.......

1. I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have nothing to play with.


2. A girl phoned me the other day & said, "Come on over; nobody's home."
I went over. Nobody was home.


3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.


4. One day I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early".


5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning... put a shirt on & a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, & the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.


6. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.


7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster & electric radio.


8. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.


9. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.


10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room & said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."


11. I'm so ugly... my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.


12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped & they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.


13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."


14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.


15. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, & people kept asking how big I'd get.


16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up & I look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."


17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks & get some rest.


18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.


19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favourite bone is my arm. Last night he went on the paper 4
times- 3 of those times I was reading it.


20. One year they wanted to make me the poster boy for birth control.


21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

some funny ones guys keep them coming

Oh man, I luvv Marc Lottering!

another line- We were so poor, we had had no toys to play with. So, my father cut a whole in our pants' pockets...

----------------------------
hey, where are the other dudes? Don't you Vaalies have a sense of humour?

which one is more effective- the can of spray, or the can with wheels?

http://www.rayd.co.uk/BLOGS/RayBlog.nsf/32d537d36e5f6d7080256e230065d757/8553237d1261222380256d46004e8dae/StoryRichText/M6!OpenElement

has to be with wheels, the spray takes forever to kill!

Its an old one floating on the mail, so I thought I post it for you guys who havent seen it.

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/image001-1.jpg

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/image002.jpg

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/image004.jpg

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/image005.jpg

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/image006.jpg

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/image008.jpg

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/image009.jpg

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/image010.jpg

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/image011.jpg

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/image012.jpg

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/image013.jpg

& last but not least RoboCrouch

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/crouchani2.gif

who's he?

crouch is a dork. shame.

warning to friend Durbsboi- dont read this over breakfast :)
penis says: "when I was young, they use to bath me, powder me, and cuddle me; now they wring me, suck me, and stuck me in a dark slippery hole until I vomit...

Eww that's just nast lol ^^ Keep it clean shall we...

BTW nobody posts in the Hotties thread anymore haha

BTW nobody posts in the Hotties thread anymore haha

I will see that the problem is sorted out right away :D

warning to friend Durbsboi- dont read this over breakfast :)
..
Thanks for the warning, but it wasnt that bad :)

who's he?
What you mean who's he? Dont you know RoboCrouch, before the world cup he was better than sliced bread

crouch is a dork. shame.

Ya he is a dork, but as the saying goe's "Our guys talk dead funny, But they play dead great!"- Liverpool FC

THERE IS THIS GOOD OLD BARBER IN LONDON....

ONE DAY A FLORIST GOES TO HIM FOR A HAIRCUT. AFTER THE CUT, HE GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AND THE BARBER REPLIES: "I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE.

" THE FLORIST IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP. NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, THERE IS A "THANK YOU" CARD AND A DOZEN ROSES WAITING AT HIS DOOR.

A POLICEMAN GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE CUT. BUT THE BARBER REPLIES: "I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE.

THE COP IS HAPPY AND LEAVES THE SHOP. THE NEXT MORNING THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, THERE IS A THANKYOU CARD AND A DOZEN DONUTS ARE WAITING AT HIS DOOR.

AN INDIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER GOES FOR A HAIRCUT AND HE ALSO GOES TO PAY THE BARBER AFTER THE CUT. BUT THE BARBER REPLIES: "I AM SORRY. I CANNOT ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU. I AM DOING COMMUNITY SERVICE.

" THE INDIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER IS HAPPY AND LEAVES. THE
NEXT MORNING WHEN THE BARBER GOES TO OPEN HIS SHOP, GUESS WHAT
HE FINDS THERE...?




CAN YOU GUESS?







TRY TO GUESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.






COME ON, THINK LIKE AN INDIAN !








A DOZEN INDIANS WAITING FOR A HAIRCUT! :rofl:

I'm sorry, but I just can't watch that man play footie. I'm always dreading the moment that one of those legs just snaps like a twig. And how they manage to keep picking him for the England squad is beyond me.

And then there are footballers that I can't get enough of... Fred Ljungberg, Olof Mellberg from Aston Villa, Cristiano Ronaldo... even Frank Lampard ain't too bad. And in the olden days of Jamie Redknapp and Stan Collymore...

But Beckham... that voice is enough to make anyone pyro-maniacal. And Michael Owen, sure he looks nice in his calendars... but has anyone seen him from the side... head shaped like a radish.

I'm sorry, but I just can't watch that man play footie. I'm always dreading the moment that one of those legs just snaps like a twig. And how they manage to keep picking him for the England squad is beyond me.

And then there are footballers that I can't get enough of... Fred Ljungberg, Olof Mellberg from Aston Villa, Cristiano Ronaldo... even Frank Lampard ain't too bad. And in the olden days of Jamie Redknapp and Stan Collymore...

But Beckham... that voice is enough to make anyone pyro-maniacal. And Michael Owen, sure he looks nice in his calendars... but has anyone seen him from the side... head shaped like a radish.
i feel like kicking peter crouch..

Reports from the year 2010 - broadcast from the tiny town of Sutherland, whose deep-space telescope can see that far ahead - are fairly rosey. Cape Town’s gargantuan new stadium - the political shenanigans that hindered its construction long behind it - not only has a retractable roof, but can actually hover 15 feet off the ground, and has been declared one of the seven wonders of the world. It’s due to float over to Brazil in four years’ time, for the 2014 World Cup.

The national squad, meanwhile, has been renamed, from “Bafana Bafana” to “Master Harold…and the Boys”, having been taken over by Oscar-winning director turned football coach Gavin Hood (of Tsotsi fame). The team has been drawn in the so-called “Group of Life”, alongside Saint Kitts and Nevis and Vanuatu, which gained entry to the tournament by virtue of the fact that they are shortly to disappear from the Earth, swamped by rising sea waters, and so attracted FIFA’s pity. Diplomats from both nations plan to petition Cape Town authorities for use of the city’s stadium as a back-up island between 2010 and 2014, which could lead to an ugly tug of war. Against such opposition, it is expected that Hood and his charges will take South Africa into the Cup semi-finals at the very least.

What's a lesbian with thick fingers called?
> well endowed.

:lol:

What's a lesbian with thick fingers called?
> well endowed.
PUKE!

Lesbians... you gotta love 'em! I'm wondering though... is it even true that lesbians use Redro (Wedwo) like some gay guys use poppers? To get them in the mood like....

Wat? Redro? that fish paste thing? :puke:

A Zulu man, a Sotho man and aVenda man were all talking about their
teenage daughters.
TheVenda says, "A waz loooking for samethink in my daughta's room the
ada day and found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked, no! I
didant even know she smoked...
The Sotho man says, "That's naathing. I was loooking for somethink in my
daughta's room the ada day when I came across a full bottal of Vodka.
I was really shocked, yes. I didant even know she drank...houw"
Then the Zulu man speaks up. "Both of you guys've got nathing to worry
about. I was loooking for samethink in my daughta's room The ada day and
I found a packet of condoms.
"Seriaaasss?"
"Seriaaasss!"
"I was really shocked, ne... I didant even know she had the penas."

Wat? Redro? that fish paste thing? :puke:

Exactly man. Got it in one.

Not exactly funny but what the heck

Zuma is SA's next president - psychic

July 20 2006 at 01:49PM

By Rivonia Naidu

Jacob Zuma will be the country's next president, South Africa will surpass expectations in the 2010 Soccer World Cup and while the crime rate is at its peak, it will not increase.

This is what American psychic and spiritual teacher for over 32 years, Sonia Choquette, has foreseen for South Africa.

Choquette is in SA to promote her books and conduct workshops to help people develop their sixth sense.

'SA is going to be influential'
"I've spent most of my life helping people on a psychic level to realise that we're all spiritual beings endowed with six, not five senses. And, more importantly, we need that sixth sense, our psychic sense, to fulfil life's purpose and be peaceful and happy."

Speaking about the future of SA, Choquette said within the next 10 years the country would become a front runner in trend setting.


"The world is undergoing a radical change of consciousness and SA is going to be influential in terms of leadership and doing things differently.

"However, as the country moves into this positive phase and progressive cycle, in the next 18 months, there will be this explosion of bad things. But people must understand that the country has already been through its worst and is currently in its healing stage."

Regarding the country's high crime rate, she said although things were really bad, "the worst of the crime is behind us".

'He definitely loves the country'
"Crime in SA will serve a purpose and lead to a greater movement to help the poor in the country. There will be changes in government policy that will aid the poor and help reduce crime," she said.

She said Zuma, despite the controversy surrounding him, appeared to be the most powerful and strongest person to lead SA in the next presidential term.

"He definitely loves the country and has a tremendous amount of support.

He might actually be good, as I see SA experiencing prosperity through him. He would have to watch his health though as he might suffer from chronic digestive illnesses," she said.

She said there would be no woman president in the immediate future. On the sport side, Choquette said the next time SA wins a world sport cup would be in 2012.

"The soccer team will surprise people in 2010, the cricket team will have a good run in the World Cup in 2007, but I'm not so positive about the rugby team. The players are not quite together yet.

"However, the Sharks are expected to win the Currie Cup in 2006, if they don't sabotage themselves before their breakthrough," she said.

She said the sardines would not grace the east coast in 2006, and there would also be between four and 10 UFO sightings in KZN in 2006.

"In the next five years, somewhere in SA, there will be direct contact with extra terrestrials, so your government should prepare for that," she said.

Speaking about natural disasters, she said: "there won't be any real problems, but in KZN in 2007, there will be more drought than usual."

And about the petrol price?

"It's going to increase by a further 25 percent in 2006, but the good news is that another two types of fuel will be developed within the next three years, that will become more common," she said.

Eish, dno whether to find it funny or believe it?
So if they American, how the fuck they know about the sharks? & rugby?

Eish, dno whether to find it funny or believe it?
So if they American, how the fuck they know about the sharks? & rugby?
yeah well..americans think they know everything lol :bash:

Dearest Koos

I'm writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your pa read in the
newspaper that almost all accidents happen within 20km of home. So we
moved. I can't send you the address now, because the last family who lived
here, took the house numbers when they moved- so they wouldn't have to
change their address.

There isn't much more news at this time. Miss U.

Your favorite aunt
Hanna

>> P.S. I was going to enclose R50 but I already sealed the envelope!

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g160/amgosai/uwilldieareas.jpg

^^ OH my God, what were you thinking. I'd expect that from Enigma! :)

lol, its a joke, & you gotto admit, its funny, but if you a foriegner it will scare the shit out of you

After ten years of marriage, a worried husband wonders why his wife never tells him when she experiences an orgasm. One night at dinner he decides to get an answer to this troubling question.
Husband: "Honey, can I ask you something?"
Wife: "Sure, my angel..."
Husband: "Why don't you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?"
Wife: "Because I don't want to bother you at work, dear!"

^^ :hilarious :rofl:

Dearest Koos,

Our new place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I didn't know
that it works so well though. Last week I put in a load of clothes and pulled
the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It rained only twice last week. The first time for four days, and the second time for three days.

About the coat you wanted me to send you. Your oom Frikkie said it would be too heavy to send them in the post with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

I hope you like it. Bye for now

Your favourite aunt
Hanna

>>PS- I also bought you some long khaki pants, but I had to cut off the legs to spare
weight.

n Boer maak n Plan
U65YtC-Xz_Q&feature=related

One day Sipho was enjoying the sun at the beach in South Africa.
A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?"
Sipho answered, "No, I am Sipho."
Another guy came and asked him the same question.
Sipho answered, "No! No! I'm Sipho!"
A third one came and asked him the same question again.
Sipho was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw a certain guy soaking in the sun.
He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?"
This guy was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
Sipho slapped him in his face and said,
"Hey wena... Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!!!"

Business in SA... :)

bCL9tcxBOMs&feature=related

^^brilliant ad, pitty those idiots pulled off TV

http://www.mg.co.za/cartoons/01aug08x.gif

WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF SOUTH AFRICA IS ATTACKED in a 9/11 style attack?

Well.... if that happens, there can be no comparison whatsoever.

That's because in S.A we are much better prepared for these kinds of attacks.

No. 1. We do not construct exaggerated elevated high-rise buildings these days;
squatter camps and duplexes are the order of the day.

No 2. We ALL get stuck in traffic in the morning, so at 8.45am the buildings
would still be empty.

No. 3. Our prestigious fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost
not to get to the spot in time, and will arrive loud and clear just after
everything is over, so there will be no casualties amongst them.

No. 4. Johannesburg International Airport would surely have fouled up the
terrorist's plans by delaying the planes.

No. 5. A South African would never let a terrorist hijack a plane. He would tell
him "Jou ma se p..", beat him up, rob him and the word would spread about how
bad he got it, quicker than a CNN/BBC broadcast. (later, he will also be used
for police dog training).

No. 6. A South African would not have used his cell phone to call home (NO
WAYS); more efficiently he will rather send a "Please call me". A cell phone is
used to defend oneself. A REAL South African would have hit the terrorist over
the head with it...then steal his terrorist weapons and sell it for dagga money
.

AND FINALLY:

If a terrorist ever lived in South Africa for one year and one year only, he
would have been robbed and molested so many times that he would have given up
and gone back home a long time ago...then get shot in the taxi, get robbed of
his passport and credit cards, attempt to flee the gunfire, and get arrested by
the cops later for vagrancy.

You see in South Africa , we are well prepared.

We are proudly South African!

why do south africans do it doggy style?
A: so they can both watch the rugby game

two blondes were talking and the one says to the other
Last night I had a fight with Bill and I just know he's going to come home with flowers.I suppose he thinks I must open my legs"
The other blonde turns to her and says"Why darling,don't you have a vase?"

This is why we need a safe public transport system like BRT:

http://static.flickr.com/122/305193596_5e0105ba07_o.jpg

:)

And a real life intersection from Russia: ...... !!

http://static.flickr.com/103/304387953_3e41e86945_o.jpg

lol, that intersections Hectic

JOHANNESBURG. They're dashing and daring, courageous and caring, faithful and friendly with stories to share, but hundreds of Gummi bears have already been pulped by tunneling machinery under Johannesburg. According to conservationists, the Gautrain will wipe out Gauteng's population of the magical bouncing bears "far more quickly than Duke Igthorn could ever have imagined".

Construction workers on various Gautrain tunneling sites say they are finding fewer and fewer traces of the magical bears.

"It used to be that we'd see them once every couple of weeks," said mechanic Josiah Mphundu.

"We'd break through some rock, and we would see these bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere.

"But not any more."

Crews operating the massive tunnel-boring drill confirmed that they were having to stop work more frequently to scrape the remains of Gummi bears off the specialized drill-head.

"It's sad, but what are you going to do?" asked borer driver Blakkie Swart.

"When I was a kid you'd hear them, all through forest, singing out in chorus, marching along as their song filled the air.

"But now you sort of hear like a small scream, and then a kind of a wet noise, like someone smashing a watermelon with a hammer, and then you have to stop and scrape all that yellow and blue fur off the drill head.

"It's kak depressing."

Conservationist Eric Monkey-Chandler said that efforts to save the remaining bears had been hampered by a lack of knowledge about the secretive animals.

"Magic and mystery are part of their history," he said.

He said that the bears once inhabited the forests of Mpumalanga before the apartheid homeland system forced them to the cities, where they went underground.

"It destroyed their whole culture. They stopped producing Gummiberry juice in the late 1970s, and they've been drinking mostly meths since then."

He said it had been "heartbreaking" to watch the decline of the species.

"Once, when the legend was growing, they took pride in knowing that they fought for what's right in whatever they did.

"But it's hard to fight for what's right when you're stoned on meths."

He said any survivors in Gauteng would probably be transported to the Western Cape, where a handful of Gummi bear communities still survive, working on wine estates as grape pressers.

He added that he and his colleagues would be monitoring the Western Cape's bears closely, after receiving reports of exploitation and the use of the 'dop' system.

"They give the bears a dop of Gummiberry juice, and then put a lid over the grape-pressing tank, so it's a hell of a noisy, violent situation down there."

However, he conceded, "tramping on grapes and being paid in the Gummi bear version of crack" was better than being "turned to pink mist" by tunneling equipment.

CHUCK NORRIS THINKS CREDIT CRUNCH IS A BREAKFAST CEREAL!!! :lol:

lol

www.hayibo.com - all your humour needs

Thi is funny
http://i486.photobucket.com/albums/rr222/elovers/elef.jpg

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^^ Wayne Mckay.

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