Questions about South-Africa

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Questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking or sniffing.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get there and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Good examples of snakes as pets are mambas (both green and black), rinkhals and municipal workers.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

hahhahahha thats the funniest thing I have seen all day!!

Got it as an email ages ago, still cracks you up though, but the sad part about it is, some people really ask these questions, like I met a guy from USA a few years back, he was epxecting to see lions roaming around Joburg Airport :crazy:

well i met someone awhile back that wanted to know where we farm the bunnies for the the bunny chow

^^oh we breed them in our back yard, have to spice them up from small :crazy2:

www.southafrica.info has some more questions

Posted to the web on: 04 September 2006

Are we doing SA an injustice with our obsession about crime?
Cyril Madlala


I HAVE much sympathy for those tasked with marketing KwaZulu-Natal as a tourist destination while local media post banners about bloody robberies and murders along the beachfront and the International Conventional Centre.

It must be a nightmare trying to convince potential visitors that they will enjoy their holiday and return home with limbs intact.

The stories are truly horrifying and, understandably, everybody who has anything to do with the matter should be worried. But community safety and liaison MEC Bheki Cele is also worried that the media, perhaps without any malicious intent, paints a picture of mayhem that is not necessarily consistent with the truth and the global context of crime. He suggests, basically, that SA could be a victim of her own zealousness to be transparent about criminal activity in the country. Assuming the information at his disposal is correct, he makes some interesting points, largely drawn from studies by the Institute of Security Studies:

‖Interpol has no reliable crime statistics from its member countries, including Britain, the US and Australia. Their crime data is not posted on the internet.

‖Since no country supplies her crime statistics to the United Nations, it is impossible to make an accurate measurement of crime in the world.

‖The International Victim Survey seems to be the most reliable tool to measure crime and trends throughout the world. According to it, SA ranks 11th after Australia, New Zealand, England, Netherlands, Sweden, Italy, Canada, Scotland, Malta and Denmark.

‖When capital cities are compared, Washington DC has the most number of murders, and Pretoria the lowest.

‖According to the UN Development Programme statistics, Canada has the highest number of rapes (267 per 100000 persons), and the rate of drug crimes in Switzerland, at 574 per 100000, is 10 times that of Colombia.

‖Crime in Denmark is more than five times that of the Russian Federation, and more than 100 times than Indonesia.

“SA is nowhere near the top of the world’s ranking in terms of crime, but people insist that we are the worst,” despairs Cele.

I find the comparisons interesting because one does not get a sense from our media that other countries are not the safe havens they are made out to be. Things happen all over the world, but not every island which has shark-infested seas will trumpet the news of yet another tourist being attacked.

Of course, nobody is arguing that the media should not reflect the objective reality on the ground. If a tourist is mugged and stabbed in Durban, that should be reported, but accurately and in its proper context. Those who are familiar with the city would know that the Point area in particular offers many tourist attractions, but not all of them are that attractive. If you go looking for prostitutes down there, there is a good chance that you will be relieved — but also of your valuable possessions.

There is a case to be made against unfair comparisons between SA and other countries whose media and tourism authorities work together to project only a positive image — “for the greater good of the country”.

I was also particularly interested to hear that despite all its other upheavals, Zimbabwe’s crime levels are nothing to write home about: which is why we only hear about farm evictions, the weak currency and President Robert Mugabe’s dislike of British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

Essentially what this means is that the issue of how we are perceived internationally regarding crime, or any other matter of national concern, requires all of us to pull together because other nations do so as well. That is not to say we should not deal with the problem of crime, the levels of which are totally unacceptable.

But it is also important to remember that what crime there is in SA is not a post-1994 phenomenon. Apartheid’s crime against humanity was very violent. Stories of policemen of all races wiping out their families are as much a feature of South African life as are those of faction fights over grudges of decades gone by.

In other words, if for so many years we have been breeding and nurturing crime in its many forms — robbing the poor of fair wages as domestic servants, messengers or farm labourers; initiating and sustaining a system of government that was inherently criminal — can we honestly deny that individually and collectively we are now reaping what we have been sowing all these years?

‖Madlala is the editor and publisher of UmAfrika.

http://www.businessday.co.za/articles/topstories.aspx?ID=BD4A264053

very interesting!

It is hard to believe that this is true! If so, it is amusing and partly shocking at the time.

Yoh, thats an eye opener, but what the government mus'nt do now, is say "oh we not the most dangerous country in the world" & do nothing about it, I mean we ranked 11th out of the whole world, thats not a proud stat, we should be no where near there. We still have alot fo crime & they must try & sort the problem out.

Obviously the high levels of crime in ZA must be addressed, but people shouldn't be under any illusion as to why there is so much crime. Look at all the other countries that top the list of crime: Brazil, El Salvador, Colombia, Venezuela... Why do those countries rank so high? Because they have had governments that for centuries ignored the poor majority while ruling on the behalf of the non-poor minority.

There is a permanent underclass that has been deliberately created in ZA. The permanent underclass will exhibit extraordinarily high levels of crime until the factors impovershing them are addressed. (note an underclass is quite different from "the poor", if anyone wants to know more info regarding how to address the pathologies of an underclass PM me).

I read that article in the paper and it made some good points but we MUST deal with crime. It is too high and it must be delt with. In my 'burb community action and liason with ADT and the cops has cut crime hugely this year. Dont moan and whinge but get together with your neighbours and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

I read that article in the paper and it made some good points but we MUST deal with crime. It is too high and it must be delt with. In my 'burb community action and liason with ADT and the cops has cut crime hugely this year. Dont moan and whinge but get together with your neighbours and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!
the ADT bicycle guy works wonders..up and down the road all day..looking for suspicious characters..

Even in our area, with recent patrol car's moving around the area, helps.

Hi I am new here just looking in...I introduced myself in the "introduce yourself ...thread"

hahahaha funny questions about S.A...I see why my country asked their questions...haha....I could have asked one or two of thoes other once.... not knowing better ..:D Like about wind...rain and plants...and the answer you give is :laugh: funny...

Don't you think it is natural to get funny questions about our different countires ..actually foreingers do not know.?..In my home country Sweden we can get these questiosn like if "polar baers walk on the streets or if we live in igloos or if we need a refridgerator in our home at all, since we have snow." and such halarious things...

was fun reading...:laugh: