OK, let's get some humour in here once again. All ya actresses are welcome to stage!:) :speech:

--------------------


A VITAL GUIDE TO SABC TV PRONUNCIATION IN SOUTH AFRICA


Errors - districts, e.g. "Ebbon errors" (urban areas)
Feather - Cape Town is feather than Johannesburg
Guddin - around your house, where you grow plants (GARDEN)
Get - a hinged opening in a fence
Hair - as opposed to him
Kennel - Army officer
Len - to acquire knowledge
Pee-Pull - Die Mense / people
Piss - symbolised by white doves (Peace)
Suffa-Ring - as in "the pee-pull are suffa-ring"
Toks - Negotiations
Weaner - the weaner takes all
Wekkas - they do the wek
Weld - The Earth

This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."



We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Alright girls. Repost this if you agree. Hells even if you disagree, repost it.

Men, repost this because you have balls

http://img175.imageshack.us/img175/5718/att254142uw2.jpg

^^ :yes: He has his eyes!

hehhehee. Why dont SABC employ people who can actually speak english to work on their ENGLISH language news reports?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGK1OFMpuws&NR

This video will have you guys in tears, I couldn't stop laughing.

^^he he. quite entertaining. That's surely is not Cape Town's most detested son Gandalf, aka Enigma, now is it? Anything is possible with that dude!
------

Beach parking on the Cape south coast
http://static.flickr.com/91/233514478_ffd94b94ed.jpg?v=0

^^:rofl:
I actualy faked to be disable once, to get parking @ sum place,

http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/8472/balaperu1aa1.gif

yo, yo. Why's everyone sleeping in here? Get some life guys!!!!!!!!!

Geez Louise! Just look at today's banner: it is worrying the fucking life out of me. What a bunch of ugly sons of bitches. Gawd, I hope the SA forumers will up the stakes in the looks department.

I doubt enigma would have either the imagination or the sense of humour to make a video as funny as that!! After all according to him our city is so dangerous it would be suicide to walk around it like the guy in the film!!!!!

Thryve, which one of the guys in today's banner are you?

lol, they look like a bunch of computer geeks, no offence thrye........thats if you are one :runaway:

http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/8379/image001ov6.gif

I dont think he used this that day

http://img140.imageshack.us/img140/9871/irwinqk1.jpg

x-RATED RIDDLES

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.


Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.


Q What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.


Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.


Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball


Q. Do you know how New Australians practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!


Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as! a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.


Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.



Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.



Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.



Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.



Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.



Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.


Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.


Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.


Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.


Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.


Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.



Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!

:rofl: :rofl:

Check this TV Ad, fucking brilliant!

IHbsoYy8gP4

^^ Was that a Ad in SA?

What's not to get? It's classic role reversal humour. Funny stuff.

hahahahahah nice stuff ^

Why coloureds can't be terrorists: by MARK LOTTERING

- We are always late. We would have missed all 4 flights.

- We talk loud and would bring attention to ourselves.

- With free food and cooldrink on da plane, we'll sommer forget why we're
there.

- We talk with our hands, so we'll continually be putting the weapons down.

- We would ALL want to fly the freaking plane, ending in a moerse fight
with each other.

- We'll sommer argue and start a fight in the terminal before we even get
on the plane & one of us is bound to say out loud: "Gaan kak man! Dan
hijack jy die fokken plane alleen!!" (Go to hell! Then you hijack the plane by yourself!)

- We can't keep a secret. We would have told everyone a week before
doing it, telling them: "Moet vir niemand se nie, ho!" (don't tell anyone!)

- We would have insisted that the plane fly past Strandfontein Pavillion.

- We would have all lined up to get our photograph taken by one of the
hostages.

- When we enter the cockpit, we would have used the intercom system for a
karaoke session, with one doos trying to sing 'I did it my way'.

- We would first rob everyone of their Ray-Bans, cellphones and gold
teeth, just before we crash the plane.

- Our whole freaking family plus neighbors would have been at the airport
to see us off, crying their bleddie eyes out, and your mother saying to
the white ou next to her: "I'm so proud of him. It's the first time he's
hijacking a plane!"

- We would have dressed like terrorists for our airport go-way clothes:
balaclavas, jumpsuits, karate skoentjies, dark glasses, en 'n moerse
attitude.

- Two of us would have forgotten our passports at home.

- Three of us would have overweight luggage.

- All of us would have luggage.

- We would have all wanted to watch the in-flight movie first.

- Before we went into action, we would have all queued up at the toilet to
first gel our hair.

- We would have taken the plane for a joyride first, played the music at
full blast and try to park the plane somewhere where the chicks could see
us.

:lol:

Hey J-Zee, what do you think of Winnie? ………….

http://i490.photobucket.com/albums/rr270/rulani/jz1.jpg

Well Trev, She Bootylicious… Damn! she’s Hott, 10 out of 10.

http://i490.photobucket.com/albums/rr270/rulani/jz2.jpg

Aweh! But Don’t you know that She was Madibz’s Piece???

http://i490.photobucket.com/albums/rr270/rulani/jz3.jpg

Hey Lightie, Look Around….. Who’s Boss??? Ehhh???

http://i490.photobucket.com/albums/rr270/rulani/jz4.jpg

You have enough Cherries Boss???? Loose her!

http://i490.photobucket.com/albums/rr270/rulani/jz5.jpg

Mhhhh……. You Know what? Talk to the hand, I’m outta here!!!!!

http://i490.photobucket.com/albums/rr270/rulani/jz6.jpg

Sweety ma baby, Baby, baby – Mwah! (Lentwana iyangi jwayela) this boy doesn't know me

http://i490.photobucket.com/albums/rr270/rulani/jz7.jpg

:hilarious

Hahaha.

^^ Was that a Ad in SA?

yip

Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Zuma: 16

Friend: Why?
Zuma: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Malema: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Malema: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figures, so you twist the answer as well.
So, the answer is 6!!

Love this Ad! Local humour at its best!

KZ3cPTsiToQ

:lol:

Hilarious

CANNOT BEAT A COLOURED...





A Colored couple both age 37, went to a sex therapist's office.



The doctor asked, "what can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"



The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished having

The intercourse, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way

You have intercourse", and charged them R70.



This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an

Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then

leave.



Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find

out?"



The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go

to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges R225. The Hilton charges R879.

We do it here for R70, and I get R65 back from Discovery!"

:rofl: oh my!

that ad :hahaha:

http://i39.tinypic.com/a43bk2.jpg

Hahaha.

Hahaha, Dr sin and mosguito

------------------

The Bisexual Son

Four men go out to play golf. One is detained in the clubhouse and the remaining three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son," says one, "Has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful that in his last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, not to be outdone, tells how his daughter began her career as a car salesperson, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "She's so successful, in fact, in the last six months she gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's says his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and in the last few weeks, has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives, they tell him that they have been discussing their children and ask him about his son.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been in and out of work and I've just recently discovered he's a bisexual. But, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three lovers have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."

:laugh:

Magistrate:" You can't claim compensation for injury on the job simply because you are pregnant!"
Blond: "Why not? Is was an accident and it happened on the job!"

------------------------------------

Man vat sy siek vrou Dokter toe. Na die ondersoek sê die Dokter vir man,
'Ons het hier met 'n baie lelike ding te doen.'
Man sê: 'Ek weet Dok, maar sy is regtig goed vir die kinders'.

http://i54.tinypic.com/n3n57s.jpg

Durbs durbs durbs... :|

http://www.skyscrapercity.com/showpost.php?p=65552327&postcount=8692

Durbs durbs durbs... :|

http://www.skyscrapercity.com/showpost.php?p=65552327&postcount=8692

apologies skybar great one :master:

A Capie makes a plan.

An old man lived alone on the Cape Flats. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, Clemence, who used to help him, was in Polsmoor Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

"Dear Clemence, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love,
Papa"

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

"Dear Papa,
For heaven's sake, Papa, don't dig up that garden, that's where I Buried the BODIES.
Love, Clemence"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, the Scorpion Unit, NIA agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area, but without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

"Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Clemence."

Somewhere in Centurion....
http://mikastefano.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/pjs.jpg

that must be in Mitchells' plain! LOL

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y206/captained/distraction.gif

Taking Johnny for a jog...:)

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4127/5200527298_2baa0f20e8.jpg

Four Fathers

Four expectant fathers were in a hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labour.

The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!"

"What a coincidence! I work for Double-O beverages!"

The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!"

"Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3D Electronics!"

When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets.

"Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!"

At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong.

"What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Eleven!"

Fanagrams: Unbelievable!

when you rearrange the letters you get:

THE EYES : =THEY SEE
MOTHER-IN-LAW: =WOMAN HITLER
GAUTENG : = GET A GUN
MONICA LEWINSKY : = NICE SILKY WOMAN
PRINCESS DIANA : =END IS A CAR SPIN
CASTER SEMENYA : = YES A SECRET MAN

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Could your name say something about you? Try it out and tell us. It'd be interesting!

Love the one about the mother in law :lol:

It's a rough life

There was a man who really took care of his body. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane.

Remarking to the other little old lady, she said, "There really is no justice in the world."

The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?"

The first little old lady replied, "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I as! ked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."

First time ive seen this nando's ad. Probably old, but quite funny
jsqosiEyGLs

Sipho is working for a massive construction company. And his Boss is white.Sipho always gets into trouble with his Boss and his Boss always swears @ him.Sipho decided to lay a complaint, so he goes to Comrade Malema’s office.Malema tells him: “he cannot treat you like this he doesn’t know things are changed in my country?So they decide to go together to confront Sipho’s boss.Sipho points out his Boss to Malema.Malema calls him one side and says to the boss: “You cannot treat your workers this way, u will get locked up. This is not your country anymore!”Boss says, “ Sorry Julius but he is a stupid and I can prove it.”He tells Sipho: go to the 18th floor and see if I’m there.”Sipho runs up the stairs. Opens the office doors looks in and runs down the stairs all huffing and puffing and says, “Boss you are not there.”Boss says: “see how stupid he is!”Malema answers, “ha ha ha ha, ja he is very very stupid… if it was me I would have used the lift(elevator)!...”