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HUM: nicht drauf antworten!

Was ist ein HUM?

Fellow forumers, I'm here to talk shit today.

We all know that the Eskimos have something like 40 words for snow because snow is important to them. Yet, as important as shit is to us, we have comparatively few words for it, "liquishit", "shit", "turd", and "grogan" notwithstanding. The motoheads have the DoD and their Keepers, the motss'ers and geeks have their letter codes; it's high time we got serious about shit. I encourage all descriptions of shit in this forum to be annotated with this code.


Uniform Shit Code (USC) v0.1

consistency
-----------
The primary qualifier is the consistency of the shit, this is
indicated by a single digit, e.g.

USC:0 - totally liquid shit
USC:1 - liquid shit with minute stringy fibers
USC:5 - moderately firm shit
USC:9 - hard as concrete

composite shit is indicated by two or more numbers, e.g.

USC:2,6 - this is a mostly liquid shit with occasional
harder bits mixed in

a special type of shit, the gaseous splattershit, really has no
consistency and this is denoted as USC:*

optional modifiers:

m or f - indicates male or female shit, e.g. USC:4f
a - animal shit
? - "what kind of shit is this?"
B - blood present in shit
P - peanuts present in shit
C - corn present in shit
W - worms present in shit
$ - money present in shit
# - other object present in shit
-- - sandpaper shit
- - dry shit
+ - smooth shit
++ - shit slid out
@ - shit was not performed on a toilet
! - shit in pants

size
----

(for solid shits)

Size is specified by length (l) and diameter (d), in inches. For example:

USC:7 l8 d2.5

is a solid turn 8 inches long and 2.5 inches in diameter. Suffixes
of cm or m may follow these measurements, thus allowing one to truly
specify a metric shitload.

If the shit broke off after coming out, you can indicate this like
l8-2 (i.e. an 8" turd that broke off a 2" piece). Furthermore, if
you cut it off short, then l8+2 indicates you let out 8", cut it off,
then dropped out a 2-incher.

Append ! if you've fished it out and actually measured it, e.g. l6!

shape
-----

(for solid shits)

shape is indicated by (S) and is one of:

Sb - ball shit (need only specify diameter, above)
Sc - coil shit (winds around the bowl)
Sf - fluffy shit (amorphous pieces in the bowl)
Sl - log (long, flat at both ends)
Swc - wadcutter (length is very close to diameter, flat
at both ends)
Ssp - spitzer (the classic bullet shape)
Sspbt - spitzer boat tail (tapers at the end somewhat)

mass
----
(for solid shits)

mass is indicated by m and is in ounces (or g for grams):

USC:7 l8 d2.5 Ssp m8

this is a good half-pounder. Specify m8! if you took it out
and weighed it at 8 oz.

volume
------
(for liquid shits)

volume is indicated by v and is in fluid ounces (or l for liters):

USC:3 v10

again, follow this with ! if you siphoned it off into a measuring
cup

color
-----
I'll keep it simple and propose:

CH - Hershey brown
Ck - black
Cr - red
Cg - green
Cb - blue
Cy - yellow
Cw - white

there's a lot of lattitude here, for example

USC:7 l8 d2.5 Ssp m8 Cy+

is a sort of bright yellow, and

USC:7 l8 d2.5 Ssp m8 Cr+++Cg++Cb--

is an rgb mixture that produces a pleasant gold color. An example of
multicolored shit is:

USC:7 l8 d2.5 Ssp m8 Cy--/CH

a dark yellow one with brown bands

effects
-------
Numerous effects of the shit, denoted by e(), are enumerated here

s+ - shit splattered on bowl
s++ - shit splashed water on buttcheeks
s* - shit splashed water up anus
s- - shit went on seat
s-- - shit went outside the toilet

f - fart accompanied the shit, this is further refined
by optional modifiers (--, -, +, ++ !) to denote the
loudness of the fart, e.g. !++f- would indicate
that the shit was preceded by a loud fart and then
followed by a softer one. One could even specify
something like ++-f--+! to denote a loud fart that
dies off, followed by the shit, followed by a soft
fart that peaks at the end

u - "ungh" effect (kudos to Chris Chiesa for mentioning
this); same syntax as for "f", above
m - the shit left skidmarks after flushing

Putting this all together, we can get:

USC:8 l9 d2.5 Sl m12 CH- e(!+f, s*, !++u-)

This would be a pretty solid 9x2.5 inch log, 12 ounces, dark brown,
which was preceded by a good fart, heavy grunting, splashed water up
the anus, and was followed by a little grunt. Not bad, eh?

Well, we're not finished...

sound
-----
The sound of the shit is in two parts: the sound of the turd coming
out and the sound of it hitting the water. This is denoted by "a"
(for aural) using the syntax a/. The
sound modifiers are:

exiting sounds

(none) - no sound
+ - slight sounds of emergence, possible sounds
of gas escaping around it
++ - quite audible sounds

water sounds

(none) - no sound
- - sound of turd entering water smoothly
+ - slight plop or plip
++ - well-formed plop
+++ - a robust plop followed by a pluump against
the bowl

example: a+/++

http://www.perfect-shit.com/shit.jpg

Choccolate!!! :drool: :nuts:

Bei Pferdeäpfeln (auch Rossknödel) handelt es sich um die Exkremente von Pferden. Der Name kommt daher, dass die einzelnen Kotballen in Größe und Form an einen Apfel erinnern. Pferde äpfeln alle 30 bis 120 Minuten, wobei sie - abhängig von der Fütterung - bis zu 50 kg Pferdeäpfel am Tag abgeben können. Die größte Menge wird von Pferden auf der Weide produziert, die geringste Produktion haben mit Hafer gefütterte und im Stall stehende Pferde. Im Vergleich zum Dung anderer Tiere riechen Pferdeäpfel nur wenig. Manche Menschen empfinden den Geruch von Pferdeäpfeln sogar als angenehm. Wie auf dem Bild zu erkennen ist, finden sich im Kot noch teilweise die unverdauten Bestandteile der typischen Nahrung eines Pflanzenfressers. Unter dem Lichtmikroskop kann man problemlos noch einzelne Pflanzenfasern erkennen. Der Grund hierfür – und auch den vergleichsweise milden Geruch – ist, dass das Pferd kein Wiederkäuer ist, in seinem Verdauungstrakt also die Zellulose kaum zersetzt wird.

Die Farbe der Pferdeäpfel hängt wesentlich von der Nahrung der Tiere ab. Grüne, weiche Pferdeäpfel stammen von Tieren, die sich von frischer, grüner Nahrung ernähren, während gelb-hellbraune Äpfel von Tieren stammen, die mit Stroh, Heu und Hafer gefüttert werden.

Pferdeäpfel werden von vielen Insekten wie Schmetterlingen, Fliegen, Mistkäfern usw. als Nahrung (Koprophagie) oder Brutstätte für die Larven genutzt. Teilweise werde frische Pferdeäpfel von Hunden gefressen, was darauf zurückgeführt wird, dass der Pferdekot einen hohen Mineralstoffanteil hat. Insbesondere der hohe Magnesiumanteil sowie einige Bakterienarten (Escherichia coli Varianten) sind für Hunde „gut“. Es besteht dabei jedoch die Gefahr, dass Parasiten wie Bandwürmer – bzw. deren Larven oder Eier - sowie schädliche Kokken (z.B. Streptokokken) auf diese Weise übertragen werden.

nur das es sich hier nicht um pferdeäpfel handelt. meiner meinung sieht das eher nach mensch aus.
dennoch, kein thread für die berlin-section. also bitte schließen!