Welcome to Bikinis, Texas

[hannah_banana]

Welcome To Bikinis, Texas: Austin Business Man Wants To Turn Entire Hill Country Town Into a Giant Breastaurant

Temple Smith was a farsighted man. In 1913, the president of Fredericksburg's first bank had sense enough to help finance the construction of a rail line between Fredericksburg and Comfort. A small town, Bankersmith, was settled there, but Smith saw beyond the relative boom that brought a post office, lumberyard, and dance hall.

Smith saw past even the town's decline into virtual nonexistence during and after the Great Depression. Yes, Smith no doubt was looking toward the day when the town that bears his name would be purchased by a breastaurant chain, have its name changed to Bikinis, Texas, and be transformed into a getaway for frisky, middle-aged men who have apparently never heard of a strip club.

That day has come. Austin breastaurateur Doug Guller announced today that his company, ATX Brands, LLC, had purchased the town after he spotted it recently on Craig's list and "will change the name to Bikinis, Texas after his successful breastaurant franchise," according to a press release.

"Bikinis, TX will be a world class destination and I am thrilled to expand the Bikinis brand to include town ownership," the release quotes him as saying. "There can't be a better way to put Bikinis on the map...Literally."

Let's hope his party destination is better than his puns.

The website has few details about how, specifically, Guller plans to make the mostly uninhabited stretch of Hill Country "world class," but it's guaranteed to include youngish, large-chested women in undersized swimwear. And Bankersmith/Bikinis is unincorporated land, so there will be no need to settle whether it should have a strong mayor or city manager form of government or haggle over zoning restrictions. Instead there will be just one overgrown adolescent with too much money and too many willing charges.

http://bikinistexas.com/

[diskojoe]

And let the barrels of douche begin to flow!

[diablo234]

What exactly is a "breastaurant" anyways?

[jonathaninATX]

Lol, I will have to check it out.

[hannah_banana]

More to the story about town named Bikinis

BANKERSMITH — It was worldwide news when an Austin entrepreneur bought this abandoned ghost town in Kendall County from a Craigslist ad, with plans to rename it Bikinis, TX after his chain of bars. His plans: Create a Luckenbach-like weekend destination for bikers and his best bar patrons.

Sadly, not much of Bikinis' Tuesday news release was true.

Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill CEO Doug Guller didn't buy Bankersmith, but rather a piece of land nearby. Tax records show the actual town site is owned by Rudy Klinkseik, an adjacent landowner. And it's actually in Gillespie County.

And what he bought was not an abandoned ghost town. Caretaker Maggie Montgomery lived there for 15 years, holding fundraising concerts for local groups that sometimes featured her son, acclaimed singer-songwriter Monte Montgomery. She put a “Banker Smith, TX” sign on her home.

And Guller may not have found it on Craigslist. A source told me that placing the ad, for the purposes of storytelling and branding, was part of the final settlement of a lawsuit over the land transaction.

When I told Guller what I'd discovered, he laughed: “For the record, I found it on Craigslist.”

Before going any further, let's take a step back. I realize this isn't Watergate. It's not the Whitewater scandal. It's not even a rigged Internet poll.

And Guller isn't the first guy to embellish a story to make it sound better. Lots of us do it. Some of us (ahem) do it for a living.

Basically, we have the owner of a successful chain of “breastaurants” who wanted to drum up publicity for his big move.

Lots of businesses embellish. There is no McDonaldsland and there is no Hamburglar. Pastry maker Sara Lee isn't an old woman, but instead a large food manufacturing company. Most Sam Adams beer isn't brewed in a quaint Boston brewery, but at breweries all over the country. Of course, that's advertising copy and not a news release.

In the world of marketing, you see, the idea is to create an image that people will want. Luckenbach's mystique was created by the music of Jerry Jeff Walker, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson and other scions of the 1970s “outlaw country” movement. Guller wanted to latch onto that when he bought land 10 miles southwest of Luckenbach.

[desertpunk]

1972 wants its entrepreneur back!

[diskojoe]

I saw a Bikini's in Houston. Its over on the northside. I saw it on the way back from the woodlands after I went to see Sublime.