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The Media Journalists Guide To The North

2010 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  heatonparkincakes
Anyone wanting a rather humourous read should try this:

Any more tips to add? :lol:
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Badly needs updating but................

Ignore its cultural heritage and gain revenge for the nineteenth century dominance of the North. Concentrate on the usual sporting venues, as in Liverpool. Despite claims that it is a 'mini-Manhattan' there should be no coverage of theatre or musical life, or indeed of the city at all. Manchester has the highest concentration of repertory theatres in the country and was City of Drama in 1994. Ignore then and now. Start a column called 'London Fringe'.

Keep harping on grime and dereliction, dismal nineteenth century descriptions by Mrs Gaskell or Engels. Former industrial areas are to be disparaged as if they had somehow deserved it. That Manchester was the world's first industrial city, the nineteenth century equivalent of Tokyo and Hong Kong combined, should never be mentioned and NO DOCUMENTARY PROGRAMMES WHATEVER made about it. Nor the fact that Manchester opened the first public library in Britain (in 1842). Have the gall to sneer from London at violence in Manchester (v. LONDON). Your cameras should dwell lovingly on the Ship Canal and Trafford Park.

It is always raining in Manchester, though puzzlingly, not in say Cornwall (or Sydney) which get appreciably more annual precipitation. Comment ruefully on this if the test match is rained off. If it's rained off at Lord's, say instead '... This dreadful English summer.' (v. WEATHER). Novelists there are 'Manchester-based, implying precarious impermanence.

Northern institutions in Manchester or elsewhere must bear a regional stigma e.g. Royal Northern School of Music; Northern Ideal Home Exhibition; Imperial War Museum North. There are no 'Southern' institutions.

'Madchester' enjoyed a considerable vogue during the 1980s. You rightly ignored it (no reportage from the Hacienda) or relentlessly disparaged it. Now the excitement is over, run gloating 'concerned' articles pondering its demise. Manchester's Olympic bid was very faintly supported (and never called 'Britain's bid'); its failure rightly ridiculed (v. OLYMPIC GAMES).

Any other major sporting events in the city e.g. the Commonwealth Games, like the World Student Games in Sheffield, should be soured beforehand by being reported as a constant financial battle. The triumphant outcome must of course be devalued: WHAT ARE THESE MEDALS REALLY WORTH? Nevertheless, after an interval, the success must be taken over by London. 'We' have shown that 'we' can stage a major sporting event in this country, so London should bid for the Olympics. That sort of thing.
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and as a point

The only children's hospital in the entire country, indeed the world. Give it relentless uncritical publicity; show minor royals visiting. Use it in a series of British Institutions (q.v.). Assist in fund-raising with heart-rending articles, gala nights, so forth. Over #40 million was raised in 1988, #9 million before the appeal officially opened. Call it 'an example to us all' and exasperate unpublicised provincial fund-raisers who have no hope of tapping into the capital's ocean of spare cash.

I once had a middle class girlfriend from Ashbourne. Dad an engineer, her brother a senior something or the other on an farming estate (look im from denton what the fck do i though about agriculture. Once almost died of the shock of seeing 300 pigs in a field in the sherwood forest once)

She applied for GOS and she returned to say that the interview seemed tailored to benefit a certain middle class girl who had had a certain middle class education from certain Terry and June types places. If she didnt stand a chance, then average working class kids wouldnt even get to the interview.

Had a grand time in Camden that weekend though. I like the lines about it being comedian (Ricky Gervais) northern comedian (Peter Kay)
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